|"Resonance"- Annemie Odendaal|
Charcoal & Oil
Too much love can kill you...
Let me just start off by saying that I believe in love completely. Especially after my divorce. I am more certain than ever that love really is everything (1 Corinthians 13). I have also learnt that Love can only be Love if it is Freedom. Control is not love. Rules and changing someone is not Love. Compromising until you bleed is not Love.
Apparently I am not the only one confused about the whole love / marriage thing. Books have been written, movies made and wars fought over Love, and I am still not any closer to understanding the full gravity of it. After studying the Love Languages I do however grasp a bit clearer why some relationships just work, while others are hard work, frustration, fighting and doomed to fail.
What is Love? Who makes the rules? Who decides whether what I feel is right or wrong? What if you truly and deeply love two people equally? What if you have never really experienced Love?Sometimes love is conventional, sometimes unexpected, unusual, unexplainable, or completely out of the blue. It can hit you in a moment of breathless delight, or whisper softly from a distance over time.
Just because the love you feel doesn't conform to the general public's list of rights, wrongs, or what is acceptable and what not, doesn't mean what you feel is any less real. Just because I do not want conventional love, doesn't mean I don't want or don't deserve real love.
I want love, just a different kind
How would it be if you were standing in my shoes
Can't you see that it's impossible to choose?
No, there's no making sense of it
Every way I choose I'm bound to lose
Too much love will kill you
Just as sure as none at all.
And the pain will make you crazy
You're the victim of your crime
Too much love will kill you every time
I am far from having any answers, but I have a lot of questions I have to work through. Most people feel uncomfortable exploring Love in all forms, so it's easy for them to conform to conventional rules to feel safe. But I cannot trade "safe" for losing the chance of ever knowing what could have been.
Unconditional love. Someone who thinks my imperfections are perfect. Someone I will feel safe enough to share all of me, without being judged. Someone who doesn't want to tame me.
Someone who won't kill me with his version of Love.