Thy Enemy is My Enemy...

No, it is not from the Bible and definitely not Biblical either, but a true fact of life.

If I introduce you to a friend of mine, you might become acquaintances, or not. You might even become friends at a later stage, or not. 

The opposite however, is not quite so boring. Nothing binds two people as tightly together as a shared enemy. If I introduce you to a friend of mine, and you accidentally find out that you both know and hate my cousin, you will become best of friends in an instant. A bond as thick as can be.

Love is filled with passion, but so is hate. Both emotions cannot be cultivated or destroyed overnight, there are just too much involved. That is also why it is such dangerous emotions. Emotions we cannot trust. When you are in love - or in hate for that matter - you do illogical things that you regret later, you don't think straight, facts are less important and you don't listen to anyone else's opinion. 

Love is blind, and hate is deaf.

When you fall out of love, you most probably fall into hate. Why do we experience hate as such an intense emotion? Hate's effect is much worse than love, because it pairs up with anger and resentment, which makes it so much stronger. Not just anger towards that person, but anger towards yourself, that you trusted and loved that person. Hence, the hate doesn't just disappear overnight. It is a "what might have been" emotion.  

Jonathan Swift said: "We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another." It is such an effort for us to love somebody, and so easy to hate someone!


I believe you can only hate someone that you loved. If I feel nothing for you, or don't know you, I could care less about anything you do or say, and therefore cannot hate you. Hate and love is passion-bound. Passion and anger cannot stem from a person you don't care about. Few things make us act or feel so passionately. Someone once said: "If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself.  What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."

So, if this is true, why do I hate the person who wronged my best friend? I don't care for that person, but I love my friend, and that displaces the hate towards the other person, which once again comes from love. It can be a defense mechanism for any wrong done to people you love, or beliefs you have.

Hate can also be misguided love. "Love misunderstood is love that you'll regret." If your love is not reciprocated, it causes feelings of hatred. I am talking about any kind of love, parents towards children, friends, family and lovers. 

"You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.” -Julie de Lespinasse. 

This hate is paired with rejection, frustration and confusion, which is where this type of hatred's strength comes from. 

I can never understand people who never love or hate, never get excited or sad?? 

Don't they have any passion? How can you excel in anything if you do not have a passion for life? I would still rather love and hate, than feel nothing at all. It's like the circle of life. They are both part of who I am.  It is a constant battle inside of us. You just need to know the difference and not pair them with other emotions.

The important thing about hate is that you will forever be bound by it, if you do not forgive. Let go! You'll find something else soon enough to hate again ;-) Don't let anyone control you by letting you hate them. In fact, by becoming their friends, you destroy them, by hating them, you destroy yourself. 

"All men kill the thing they hate, unless, of course, it kills them first." James Thurber

Even though I enjoy this interesting dance, Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated. It is not easy to keep the balance, and almost impossible not to pair it with anger and resentment. If you let go of the hate, you make space in your heart for love again, and love always heals, love never dies.