To Regret or not to Regret...

Annemie Odendaal: "More lives than One"
I have always said that I regret nothing I have ever done in my life. Good or bad. It made me who I am today, it taught me lessons and it brought me to where I am at this moment in my life. 

Or did it?

Turns out there is one thing I did in my life, that I will regret forever, and that was getting married. Even though I am single again now, I just cannot shake the uneasy feeling that because of the mistake I made, I might be at the wrong place in my life right now.

After my divorce I mainly reverted back to who I was before the wedding, and even though that was a great version of me, it is still not who I am eight years on. Make no mistake, I do not blame my wasband for that, not at all. I knew better. It's not as uncomplicated as it may seem either. Even though I am myself again - happy, healthy, free and creative - I still have this hole in the deepest part of my soul, and sometimes I am scared that it might be visible through my eyes.

I only hope that I can stop feeling like I am floating through space with no life line, and land on a planet where I can feel safe, where I can find my feet again, and feel that right there is exactly where I am supposed to be...

*Long ago in someone else's lifetime
Someone with my name
Who looked a lot like me
Came to know a man and made a promise
But the promise she made has grown impossible to keep
Yesterday a girl that I was fond of
Finally could see the writing on the wall
Sadly, she realised she'd left him behind
And sadder than that she knew he wouldn't even mind
And if that girl I knew should ask my advice
Oh I wouldn't hesitate she needn't ask me twice
Go now!
I'd tell her that for free
Trouble is, the girl is me

PS: One year later and I'm reading this post again. I am thrilled to report that I have found that  safe planet to land on, and I feel that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life. I still regret ever getting married, but hey, we all have made mistakes. It is how you deal with challenges and how you rise above everything and grow that counts. I could not be happier, and if I had to go through all of that to get here, I don't regret a thing!

*From the Musical: Chess

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